One of life’s truths is that most arguments are a waste of time and aren’t worth having: so don’t.
OK, there are exceptions, like if you’ve been accused of killing someone – and you haven’t – that’s an argument worth having.
I’m talking about all the disagreements that pepper our lives and sap our energy as we try to get the truth across.
You’re a stronger person, not a walkover to leave the misunderstanding misunderstood. If the other person isn’t buying your story, stop trying to sell it – and move away, literally.
(By the way, not better to be kind than to be right – better to be dignified by not getting sweaty over a row when you know you’re right.)
Say someone’s accused you of leaving the milk out of the fridge – but you didn’t, or didn’t think you did. What’s the answer? Easy – go and put the milk in the fridge. That’s a much quicker solution than arguing about it.
(If you are, however, a serial milk-leaver-outer, remember dairy products aren’t kitchen decorations and live in the cold place.)
And don’t rant. Ranting usually makes people trip over their words – and spit. Unattractive
Try a new approach tomorrow. Smile when the very next person is aggressive towards you and you will have floored them. They’ll have nowhere for their fury to go – because they will have been expecting a verbal punch-up.
Don’t try to engage with the disengaged. (ie. the doctor’s receptionist who knows you’ve been waiting for four hours but is under doctor’s orders to avoid any reasonable discussion about NHS waiting times – and isn’t paid enough to care, quite frankly.)
The little hobbit in you will already be jumping up and down right now shouting ‘but what if I’m right, what if I’m right????????’
Have a word with it. You’ll be as right as you ever were, you just aren’t going to bother with trivia. However you and your hobbit are intact.
But, you know, pretty often nobody’s ‘right’, they just have a different opinion to you.
I remember having a ludicrous argument with my partner about the closing hours of a bakery. We had different ideas but neither of us actually knew.
And get this – we didn’t even need any bread! (So why the bakery’s opening hours came up for discussion I can’t recall.)
What a waste of time that argument was – we ended up ignoring each other for an evening. So what was it all about really?
Both of us wanted to ‘win’. (So we both ended up losing because neither of us would give in.
Now what about a more serious ‘difference of opinion’. You want more money, Your boss isn’t going to give it. Boss has heard your reasoning (may even personally agree) but isn’t going to bump up your wage/seniority.
Leave that meeting with an ‘I-know-you’ll-do-what-you-can-for-me-if-you-think-I’m-worth-it’ smile and then shut about it.
Are you letting the boss off the hook? Maybe. Are you leaving the boss with the worry that you’ll now be looking around elsewhere. Maybe – only you know. The formula for asking for a wage increase is another article in itself and we’re just talking about tactics here.
A life without different opinions would be an intolerably bland desert and isn’t a place I’d want to live.
But falling out about a difference of opinion is usually about as mature as two kids in a playground having temper tantrums because one wants to play a game and the other doesn’t.
Often, however, the kid with the game-plan isn’t overly exercised by someone’s refusal to play – they just move onto another friend who may fancy a game. Oh, so much for us adults to learn there.
Now, have I undone the whole anger-management industry? No – it will have to adapt. Practitioners will have to counsel all those people who can’t find anyone to argue with.
Perhaps you disagree with my argument theory – but guess what: you’re welcome to your opinion and I’m not going to argue with you.
