eBay isn’t the fun it used to be

Once upon a not-so-long-ago time, eBay was an exciting place for your average punter to make a few pounds (and clear out the house a bit). You could list your daughter’s once-worn, well-kept dress bought from a reputable retailer and get a pretty decent return for it.

Then a couple of things happened that put paid (all puns intended) to that.

Firstly along came another reputable (but low-price) retailer – let’s call it P***ark.

Ahhh, thought browsers. Now why pay a small price for a secondhand dress they couldn’t touch, let alone try on (or send back in the majority of cases)? Here was an opportunity to buy new, at fantastically low prices, having tried on for size and bought with a guarantee for return.

P***ark undercuts charity shops, never mind eBay with all its postage costs. OK, the fabric may not be quite the same quality but at pocket-money prices that’s overlookable

So your outgrown, unwanted clothes are now best off back at the charity shop where you used to take them because you’re less and less likely to find customers on eBay.

And then there are eBay stores. I could be very wrong but the owners are what we used to call market traders, aren’t they? Didn’t they used to huddle under awnings in the street (close by the fruit and veg) flogging end-of-line wares that they buy up from I-don’t-know-where.

Don’t start thinking: I see, she’s against these people making a living from the Internet. I’m not. I’m just pointing out that it makes it a damn sight more difficult for you or I to sell a faultless beanbag (albeit sat on once or twice) that’s been stored in a cupboard for a few years if we’re competing against traders who have brand new versions in all sizes, shapes and colours.

The only time ‘used’ beats ‘new’ is in the antique category – and what is new stuff doing in there anyway?

No moan is complete without a suggested solution and this is mine: eBay is so huge now there needs to be a distinct line between your regular punter’s stuff and trader’s gear.

In short: eBay needs to level the playing the field and create two separate sites so sellers are pitching like against like and we all feel enthused again. Sorted?

About arguments

One of life’s truths is that most arguments are a waste of time and aren’t worth having: so don’t.

OK, there are exceptions, like if you’ve been accused of killing someone – and you haven’t – that’s an argument worth having.

I’m talking about all the disagreements that pepper our lives and sap our energy as we try to get the truth across.

You’re a stronger person, not a walkover to leave the misunderstanding misunderstood. If the other person isn’t buying your story, stop trying to sell it – and move away, literally.

(By the way, not better to be kind than to be right – better to be dignified by not getting sweaty over a row when you know you’re right.)

Say someone’s accused you of leaving the milk out of the fridge – but you didn’t, or didn’t think you did. What’s the answer? Easy – go and put the milk in the fridge. That’s a much quicker solution than arguing about it.

(If you are, however, a serial milk-leaver-outer, remember dairy products aren’t kitchen decorations and live in the cold place.)

And don’t rant. Ranting usually makes people trip over their words – and spit. Unattractive

Try a new approach tomorrow. Smile when the very next person is aggressive towards you and you will have floored them. They’ll have nowhere for their fury to go – because they will have been expecting a verbal punch-up.

Don’t try to engage with the disengaged. (ie. the doctor’s receptionist who knows you’ve been waiting for four hours but is under doctor’s orders to avoid any reasonable discussion about NHS waiting times – and isn’t paid enough to care, quite frankly.)

The little hobbit in you will already be jumping up and down right now shouting ‘but what if I’m right, what if I’m right????????’

Have a word with it. You’ll be as right as you ever were, you just aren’t going to bother with trivia. However you and your hobbit are intact.

But, you know, pretty often nobody’s ‘right’, they just have a different opinion to you.

I remember having a ludicrous argument with my partner about the closing hours of a bakery. We had different ideas but neither of us actually knew.

And get this – we didn’t even need any bread! (So why the bakery’s opening hours came up for discussion I can’t recall.)

What a waste of time that argument was – we ended up ignoring each other for an evening. So what was it all about really?

Both of us wanted to ‘win’. (So we both ended up losing because neither of us would give in.

Now what about a more serious ‘difference of opinion’. You want more money, Your boss isn’t going to give it. Boss has heard your reasoning (may even personally agree) but isn’t going to bump up your wage/seniority.

Leave that meeting with an ‘I-know-you’ll-do-what-you-can-for-me-if-you-think-I’m-worth-it’ smile and then shut about it.

Are you letting the boss off the hook? Maybe. Are you leaving the boss with the worry that you’ll now be looking around elsewhere. Maybe – only you know. The formula for asking for a wage increase is another article in itself and we’re just talking about tactics here.

A life without different opinions would be an intolerably bland desert and isn’t a place I’d want to live.

But falling out about a difference of opinion is usually about as mature as two kids in a playground having temper tantrums because one wants to play a game and the other doesn’t.

Often, however, the kid with the game-plan isn’t overly exercised by someone’s refusal to play – they just move onto another friend who may fancy a game. Oh, so much for us adults to learn there.

Now, have I undone the whole anger-management industry? No – it will have to adapt. Practitioners will have to counsel all those people who can’t find anyone to argue with.

Perhaps you disagree with my argument theory – but guess what: you’re welcome to your opinion and I’m not going to argue with you.

Fight or fright

I’d genuinely thought that ‘fight or fright’ thing was a motivational macho motto meant to shake up anyone who ‘froze’ at the first sign of danger. I suppose it’s only when you’re faced with a truly horrible situation do you ever get to realise that there is real meaning in the phrase.

My horrible situation was a financial crisis (yes, I know health comes before wealth but I’m talking: a stay-awake-at-night-can-I-provide-for the kids type of brick wall). My initial reaction, I’m embarrassed to say, was 100 per cent pure, genuine, solid-rock fright.

The lunacy of the situation was that now, more than ever, did I need to work, work, work and squeeze every creative juice into action but I was too paralysed with shock to put one word in front of the other – which is a huge obstacle with writing being my profession.

There are people you can talk to when you feel….well, weak and useless. They are friends and members of your family (who aren’t going to solve your problems by shoving money into your bank account) but can talk the fight back into you.

None of mentioned the fight or fright syndrome, by the way, it’s only just occurred to me now and I realise that you don’t have to be in a ‘fright’ or ‘fight’ category – you might have to go through one to reach the other.

Nor am I writing from a position of ‘everything’s all right now’ position. I do need to ‘voice’ the obvious that fighting is the by far less frightening option in moments of panic and, of course, it has the upside of potentially positive outcome. Hiding away under the bedclothes, which may seem an attractive option, is certain to avoid any positive results.